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Monday, December 04, 2006

Slump

Jessica, Alicia's sister, caught in a dramatic moment by my 350D using the Yashinon 50mm.

I'm in a dirty, boring, dull slump. The yucky sort of slump. I don't feel healthy and I'm getting stressed a whole lot more than what's normal. Partly it's because I have yet to receive my bonus from the Army, and partly because I am, simply put, an antisocial person. There are times that I enjoy talking to people and being around people. But a lot of times where I simply don't even want to talk to anyone. Alicia usually says I'm "grumpy" when I'm like this, and I suppose I come across that way. Trying to be social in a time like this is difficult and not exactly rewarding. It usually ends up with me not acting at all like myself (or how people that have known me for a long time expect me to act, and that's ok).

I've thought that thinking for a while I trying to find what was causing me to feel this way would help fix the situation. After all, if you know what the problem is, it's simply determination and the want for change that leads to a resolve, right? Not so in this case. I know that it will pass with time, but I also know that it will come back with time. Is this some sort of necessary feeling my mind produces in order for me to do certain things? To change different aspects of my life? Or is this an automatic, recurring boredom that strikes and I choose to change what I'm doing. Yes, these thoughts are still very mixed up, and I don't expect to make much sense at all or pay any attention to grammar.

I am emotionally drained to the point that I have no creativity. I can appreciate art but not make it. I look at my camera no sparks fly. I see a possible photo opportunity and don't take it because I know there is no way I could take it and it be good. Given up? Certainly not! I love photography. This is my reboot I think. This is how I'm able to keep going. This is how I refresh myself instead of breaking down. I drain every last bit of emotion and energy into the air around me and at some point wake up restored. Strange? Of course, do you know me any other way? I thought not.

As for what is currently going on in my life, it's not much, but still great. For one, Alicia and I are still going strong. This is great considering that previous relationships that have gone this far were hardly going this well, if even going well. She's wonderful and I'm so proud of her. Vinsten (my WoW char) is level 53 now with 3 pieces of my Tier 0 Dreadmist set, though I'm getting quite angry with the disgusting number of farmers and botters present. C'mon Blizzard, we pay far too much for this crap. We should also get the expansion for free. I got a raise at work, which is great! Furthering my move to a management position. The Army blows. The government wants you to risk your life for $5/hour, and lie to you about a large bonus. Going to take serious legal action if one more month goes by. My car is almost at 198,000 miles and still running like new.. Obviously Toyota spent all the money saved on their cheap glass by making an outstanding 4-cylinder engine. Go figure. I'm downloading the EVE Online installer since that game rules so much more than WoW ever will.
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Currently Listening To: Whitesnake - Hungry For Love - Here I go Again: The Whitesnake Collection - 2002

(Thanks Steven!)

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3 Comments:

Anonymous Alicia said...

Yes, I do say that you are grumpy, but mostly because I don't always know what causes it, but I know you are upset about something. Saying you are grumpy is the only way I know to describe it, but I'm not trying to make it seem like less than it is (if that makes sense).

I also think that discontentment brings change. There is a reason for that. It is one thing to be in a slump all the time, but completely different to be in a slump and discontent. If we were perfectly happy with our situations all the time, then we would never do anything. We would never grow as people. So I think it is a good thing for everyone to go through slumps, as long as we are discontent in our slump. Dissatisfaction brings change, which can be a very good thing. Like you said, it will help you wake up and have more of a sense of where you are going and what you plan to do. (Not that you need any help with that, but it might help you feel more confident about it.)

I know this is a long comment to leave, but I suddenly had a lot to say. I'm not trying to give you advice, because that's not what you need, but just let you know what I think about it.

Oh, and I'm in a slump too, not the same kind of slump as you (but you know about my problems with school right now). All I'm trying to say is that slumps are just part of life. You'll be ok.

9:03 PM  
Anonymous Alicia said...

Oh, and I forgot, I love you!

9:04 PM  
Blogger Eli said...

I finally figured out how to leave a comment on this thing. I think. I draw and write as my artistic venue, you could say, and sometimes I get to where I just don't feel like creating anything. Kind of the problem with making art a profession is that art stems from the mind, and your mind won't always be on top of its game. It's a totally different world than the 9 to 5, where you can just show up and go through preset motions to earn a paycheck.

2:22 AM  

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